I coulda been a contender!

So, it all started the other day when….

*of course, names, occupations, and just about everything else has been changed to protect the not so innocent*

I seriously could not make this shit up, period.

I’ve got this friend that considers himself one of the technical elite. He knows programming, he knows computers, he is the master of his own domain!

So what, may you ask, does he do for a living?
Well, right now he’s unemployed.

Yes, you heard right, unemployed.

Yeah, I know, it’s terrible with all those techno-elitist loosing jobs, it must be difficult with the over abundance of technical folks out there applying for all the good positions. Makes competition at Joe’s Burger Shack so much stiffer.

Oh, what? I didn’t tell you? Oh, he’s not a programmer, technical support specialist, not even a lowly server goon like me… His last gainful employment was at a feed store…. selling, you guessed it… FEED!

In fact, he’s not even finished his Associate’s Degree. According to him he knows much more than any of the teachers teaching (who, I’ve gotta add ARE gainfully employed in their field). So, sitting through the painfully low level classes to get his degree is simply too much for him. *please note, I KNOW there are folks out there that are skilled beyond reason, that know how to do things that would blow your freakin’ mind… and they haven’t taken a single class* I might also mention that he’s not one of them!

ARG! It’s like having the guy serving you burgers at Joe’s Burger Shack tell you he’s a licensed Pharmacists… hmm, let me think about that for a minute… If I were a licensed Pharmacist, would I be slinging meat at a Joe’s or would I be working in a pharmacy.

Imagine the conversation…

human 1: I coulda been a contender for the Heavy Weight Champion of the World!
me: really!? What happened to your career? Did you have an accident, loose a bad fight? Get injured during a match?
human 1: uh me? Oh no, I never even fought, but I coulda been a contender! If I would have bothered to apply myself and enter a fight or even take a boxing lesson… maybe if I bought a pair of gloves…
me: ah, I see, I woulda won the lottery.. OH wait, I didn’t BUY a !@$^ TICKET!

Plan and simple, get a clue, if you’re slinging meat at Joe’s, you’re not a contender, you’re not a Doctor, you’re not a Pharmacist… YOU ARE HANDLING SOMEONE ELSE’S MEAT… Now, I’ll give ya the fact that you may have the potential, but until you have the official title of ANYTHING ELSE, you will still be the meat jockey @ Joe’s.

At best, you will be a person with a hobby.

Experimenting with drugs at home != Pharmacist.



So, it all started the other day when….

I overheard this guy talking. The conversation went something like…

guy1: yah know, I um really kinda liked this uhm class, it was like sooo interesting
guy2: it was an interesting class
guy1: yeah, ya know, like, I read so much stuff and we like discussed all this stuff in class
guy2: the reading were pretty interesting
guy1: yeah, I like, you know, feel like some much more articulate now.

at this point, I almost feel, completely taken by surprise. I am by no means the worlds best read person. Hell, I can’t even pronounce “color” correctly – I’ve been told it comes out more like “collar”. But, I’m relatively certain I know the meaning of articulate, but, just to be sure, I looked it up. And, for those that don’t know, Merriam-Webster has the following definition “expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively”.

I’m sooo glad this um like guys, like, ya know, education is being so like ya know well used!


so, what is a rant

According to a rant is

intransitive verb
1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2 : to scold vehemently

transitive verb
: to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion

now, that meant I had to look up a couple of more words … and finally came up with my own definition(s).

Rant –

1 – to go on endlessly about something as if you actually knew something about the subject and was the end all be all on the subject matter.

2 – to go on endlessly about something, having preconceived notions that what you say actually means something to someone… and that that someone would actually give a sh*t about it.

Now me personally, I think a rant is just something that catches in my craw from time to time. Might be something that has happened a hundred times before and it’s never bothered me, but this one time, it just hits me wrong and sends me off into a rant. So what does that mean to all you little boys and girls out there reading this? It means I’m gonna offend. I’m gonna make generalizations. I’m gonna be labeled a [sexist, racist, homophobic, neurotic, “insert favorite pigeon hole here”].

In reality it means NOTHING, nothing I say! It means I’m gonna express an (perhaps not even my own) opinion about a subject matter that may not mean anything to you. Or, it may be something near and dear to your heart (in which case, read the paragraph above about offending and being labeled). Better yet, I may just be playing the Devil’s advocate and arguing a point that I feel needs to be considered…

Having said all that, let the fun begin. But please, for my sake and your sake, don’t continue reading if you’re easily offended. I’m not here for argument, I’m here for expression.